Review A Popular Blog Or Website About Your Topic #1

*All of the links are completely worth clicking on (there's nothing graphic, so no need worry).


I decided on Pat Doyle's list of blog ideas was that it gave me structure, but also allowed me to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do. Today, I revel in that very notion.

Since my blog "topic" is vague and random (well, random to you, my readers; t all makes sense in my head (scary thought, I know)), I wanted to review something that everyone is at least a little bit interested in.

My topic came to mind rather quickly, which was encouraging at first, but mildly disturbing (you'll see in a minute) after I spent a good hour scouring the web for the perfect blog/website to review.

Want to know what the I decided on?

Do you?

I'm sure you do.

I know would.

This is how you...

...create...

...tension.

Ok, enough dicking around. My topic...

FURRIES!

Using WikiFur, I will inform both you (my audience) and myself (me) about the world of the Furry.

Ok, maybe interested wasn't the right word.

First off, for those who don't know what a wiki is, let me enlighten you. A wiki is essentially a collaborative website that has content submitted, edited, and (potentially) removed by those who can access it. The most popular (and obvious) wiki is Wikipedia. There is a wiki for pretty much everything, which is both awesome and insanely weird (see this blog).

I'm not presuming you're unintelligent, but since I went out of my way to define what a wiki is, I should probably define a Furry. When I typed "furry" into WikiFur, the main definition is as follows: "The word furry has several meanings, dependent on the context in which it is used. Predominantly, it means 'consisting of or resembling fur.' It also pertains to an interest in anthropomorphic animals and/or mythological or imaginary creatures which possess human or superhuman capabilities. The plural form of Furry in all its contexts is furs or Furries; the subjects of Furry interest are also known as Furries. "

Kind of confusing, isn't it. To clear things up, please enjoy the following...ummm...pictoral definitions of Furries.

(Shirt-dress Furry)

(Parade of Furries)


(Reverse Sea Lion Furries)


(Klingon v. Furries)


(Ski Patrol Furries)


(Lion Piledriving Pigeon Furries)


(Staff of Ra Furry)


(Dire Straits Furries)


(The Family That Sheds Together, Stays Together Furries)


(1980's Cartoon Furries)

After perusing the Furry page on WikiFur for a while, I clicked on a link for the definition of Furries; apparently it's different.

It was not different, but it did lead me to a proverbial gold mine of Furry information. I found out there are 7 types of Furries. What follows is WikiFur's list with my own...insights.

1. Humans who want to be anthropomorphic beings, which means they want to be like this guy.

2. Humans who are members of the Furry Fandom (also called Furrydom, Furridom, Fur Fandom, Furdom; I would love to study the etymological differences between all of those, by the way). Furdom (the term I prefer (like my opinion matters)) spans the entire Furry world, which stretches from people who are into Star Fox to people who dress up like a fox and then have sex with someone else who is dressed like a chicken.

3. Humans who enjoy to draw, or can only draw, anthropomorphic beings. Apparently that's why Hitler failed out of art school. And in case you're wondering, I found this (Furries know no bounds!).

4. Humans who believe they have a spiritual connection to a particular animal. All I'm going to say is that there is a big difference between this kind of spirituality and this kind of spirituality.

5. Humans who enjoy dressing up in an anthropomorphic costume, and we're not talking about those fine folks who dress up as Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse and run around theme parks. It's definitely more like a tickle fight on a Twister mat.

6. Humans who are sexually attracted to anthropomorphic beings. For those of you who are interested in a fantastic book for either your coffee table or your bedroom, this exists.

7. Humans who practice FIAWOL, which is an acronym for Fandom Is A Way Of Life. Now, this is something that exists outside of the Furry world (my favorite being this guy from Trekkies), so I can't rip on it too bad. Fuck that, yes I can. BA BAM!

As I was looking around WikiFur, I kept coming across the term yiff (or yiffing). Obviously, I looked it up. It's seems that yiff started out as an onomatopoetic word used by Foxen, who could be some sort of roleplaying character (it's mentioned in passing) or doesn't exist at all (and someone just had a hard-on for these guys). Anyway, in Foxen's language, yiff either meant yes or hello. That's very much not what it means now. Today, yiff (or yiffing) is the sex act committed between two Furries. Awesome.

Weird. Well, at least that's what I thought, until I came across The Yiffy Guide To Safer Sex (this one is kinda graphic, but totally worth checking out). Basically it's a pamphlet that could be handed out at any safe sex talk...accept it as nudy pics of foxes, skunks, dogs, deer, and something that looks like a mercat.

I can't think of anything that this site doesn't have. Over the course of an evening, I've managed to learn more than everything I ever wanted to know about Furries. In fact, I've decided that WikiFur is such a wonderful, informative website, that I will revisit it for Find Some Offbeat Or Weird Website On Your Topic And Link To It, which is Pat Doyle's #13 blog idea.

Anyway, WikiFur is a pretty fantastic way to not only kill time, but also educate yourself on wonderful world of Furries.

5/5 Puppy Erics

Product Review #1

It took me a little while, but I finally figured out how to handle this product review: standard product, not standard application. Today's product: Crest Whitening Plus Scope.


Before I dove into the varied product tests, it seemed necessary to start by looking at the packaging. The box and tube (hee hee) immediately bombards you with all the fantastic features of Crest Whitening Plus Scope. It strengthens enamel (how thoughtful), totes itself as a "fluoride anticavity toothpaste" (isn't everyone anticavity?), fights tarter (I'm not even sure what tarter is, but I know I don't want it), freshens breath (I would hope so), and "whitens teeth by gently removing surface stains" (I love this idea, but I can't help but wonder how). Did I mention that it is "minty fresh striped?" Did I mention that? Minty fresh striped. I totally did, 'cause it is...minty fresh striped. Ha. Cha.

An aside: The tube actually says this: "For best results, squeeze tube from the bottom and flatten as you go up." Now, all you mother fuckers who squeeze from the middle of the tube are not only pissing off the the people who do it the right way (yeah, I'm saying there's a right and a wrong way to squeeze the fucking toothpaste), but also, apparently, not maximizing your results. The way you squeeze the tube affects how well the toothpaste works. Yup. Makes a lot of sense. Way to go Crest.

Time to get started with the testing. I had to have a control, in this case, to use Crest Whitening Plus Scope in the way intended - as a toothpaste.

Prep: I cleaned my toothbrush with peroxide and warm water to try and rid it of any residue from other toothpastes I have used. To be honest, I was a little grossed out by how much the peroxide bubbled, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised - it does go in my mouth twice a day (that's what she said).


Execution: I used the recommended dosage and brushed my teeth for approximately 1 minute, combining circular, horizontal, and verticle brush strokes. I cleaned my teeth well.

Outcome: Upon finishing, my mouth tasted great, my teeth felt clean, and my smile was brighter than it was before. Overall, satisfied.

Crest Whitening Plus Scope used as directed, 5/5 Anthonys



With the control test out of the way, it was time to get experimental. For the first alternate use, I tried Crest Whitening Plus Scope as a chapstick.

Prep: I dried my lips out as much as possible, first by not licking them and second by rubbing salt on them (which was grosser than expected). With my lips sufficiently dry, I coated them with toothpaste.

Execution: I liberally applied Crest Whitening Plus Scope to my lips. At first, it felt like I'd rubbed Vix Vapor Rub on my them - it kinda burned. The minty-ness became rough after a while, especially on my eyes; the vapors continually drifted upwards and made them water.


(I thought about changing this picture considering it looks like I'm blowing cum bubbles, but that just made me laugh, which is why I'm keeping it.)

Outcome: After having Crest Whitening Plus Scope on my lips for 5 minutes, I was having a really hard time focusing on anything other than how much my lips burned. I went to wash it off my lips and, God damn, I looked like a crack head. Even after I washed it off, my lips continued to burn and my eyes continued to sting. Did my lips feel less chapped? I couldn't tell, they were too busy feeling shitty.

Crest Whitening Plus Scope used as chapstick 2/5 Anthonys



After the chapstick, I was not looking forward to my next alternate use - facewash.

Prep: This was all mental preparation. I really, really didn't want to do this, but I had already committed myself.

Execution: I started out with a handful of Crest Whitening Plus Scope and...fuck...it was all downhill from there. As soon as I put it on my face, I knew it was going to be rough. I carefully spread it around, trying, unsuccessfully, to avoid my eyes. Rubbing it into the beard wasn't fun either; it felt like rubbing peanut butter into a Brillo pad.



Outcome: I could not prepare myself enough for the burning that took place during and after the toothpaste facewash. While it was on, I couldn't keep my eyes open for more than a few seconds. It was like someone was spraying Banaca directly into my eyes. It sucked.
There was something good that came out of this though - the fresh feeling my face had after I washed the Crest Whitening Plus Scope off my face. Yes it burned, but it kinda felt good...like I had ice on my face. The fresh sensation lasted for a while, but the stinging of the eyes lasted longer. Any sentiment for a nice feeling went away as my eyes continued to burn. While I do not recommend doing this (especially because my eyes still kinda hurt), but it could have been way worse.

Crest Whitening Plus Scope used as facewash, 2/5 Anthonys



The last experiment may be the worse one. At one point in all of our lives, probably as a child, we ate toothpaste. Well, I figured it was time (about God damn time) to see what a toothpaste and jelly sandwich would taste like.

Prep: As the bread thawed, I readied the jelly (more accurately, Smucker's Strawberry Preserves) and Crest Whitening Plus Scope, I couldn't help but get that unfortunate feeling that usually accompanies a wicked bowel movement.


Execution: I spread the jelly first, and then the toothpaste. I opened my mouth, closed my eyes, and took a bite. I chewed it a few times. A few more. Holy shit. I don't really know how to describe the flavor combination of strawberry preserves and mint toothpaste other than like eating a strawberry popcicle while licking a 9volt battery. Fucking disgusting.

Crest Whitening Plus Scope used in a sandwich with strawberry preserves 0/5 Anthonys



After today's journey into the unknown, I can safely say that Crest Whitening Plus Scope should really only be used as directed.